One day at a time....sort of.

I keep telling myself "one day at a time"......I know I can get through this if I take it "one day at a time". Trust and lean whole heartedly on those everlasting arms. Easy enough..... right?...Yet I am so easily drawn to a perpetual state of worry and self pity.....Worrying about every detail every why, how or what's to come, only serves to get me "wrapped around the axle" as Geoff says. Which is quite the unnecessary mess when you think about it. Frankly I do not need one more "mess" to take care of right now. So I am going to do my best to avoid that whole worrying thing completely. It does not change my circumstances or prepare me for tomorrows unknowns....In all honesty worry only blossoms distrust in the One I profess to have complete faith in. Which kinda defeats the purpose of faith....

There are many "Ups and Downs" on this journey and I finding that often they don't kindly limit themselves to just one a day. Many times during the day I can be smacked upside the head with the gravity of "our situation" and usually right in the middle of the grocery store with tired children and a cart full of half melted frozen items I have a choice to make. I can indulge in the self pity consuming me or wage war against it. My mantra of "one day at a time" quickly needs to morph into "second by second". I have learned that I must be alert on guard, because that pit of despair isn't just laying around hoping I trip and fall into it. Nope is life sucking fangs swirl around me enticing me into its self pitied lair constantly. It is a deep dark unrelenting hole to escape from. Climbing out of self pity's grasp is a lonely desolate doubt filled road. Some mornings I wake up to find I am already at the bottom of that pit, yet after spending the night ...(or in some cases a few nights) there, my determination to escape is boundless. I have seen despairs hideous face and want no part of it! 

I know well the opposite road of this journey. It is lined with love and support. God has promised me so many times that He will never leave me, and He has provided you for me in more ways than I can count! The choice is obvious. I will walk this road hand in hand with those that love me unconditionally, that God has purposefully placed along my path. While it is not easy to to go through one step of this, I take incredible comfort knowing I am not alone. Thank you to all of you who have chosen to walk this road with me, in whatever capacity. Your strength, wisdom and selflessness leave me speechless. I love you all dearly.