My Problem Child has Returned Home

Well, I am dumbfounded, to say the least!
I sit here in a complete state of shock over this last weeks events.
Thursday night Geoff got a call from the Wichita Police Department saying that Big Bertha our run away had been found!
OH!...... Joy! (that should be read with sarcasm dripping from every letter!)
They also said that if we did not come get her immediately they were going to impound BB.....Geoff did not share my opinion to just let the fine folks of the WPD keep her. I think she needed to learn a lesson, besides I liked my sporty little replacement that we rented.
Anyway....
Very little had been touched in the van, it was only a few blocks away and the keys were in it!
I don't know how they got there as I don't leave normally leave them in the car. Frankly I really don't want to think about all that.

She's back and already back to her old antics of driving me C-R-A-Z-Y!

Locking me in the car.
Bed wetting.
Deliberately disobeying my orders to STOP!
Oh and my favorite the incessant poking til I hit back!
I am not above admitting I secretly hoped she would have runaway forever!

We may never know the story behind her little escapade ...
But for now I guess I am thankful for the laughter the whole ordeal brought us. And that I don't have to add another bill to the pile.

Dude! Where's my car!!!?

I was awakened this morning to Geoff bellowing strange questions at me ....

Typically this is not all together an uncommon experience.

Questions like wheres my pants, wheres my badge or could you buy more Pepsi today? These kinds of questions are generally how I start my morning. All of these questions I can usually expertly plow through without ever removing my head from under the pillow! However this morning's barrage of questions actually propelled me out of bed to answer....or at the very least see what in the world he was talking about.

The van is not in driveway where is it?

I don't know! In your dishwasher....(I thought) - those words didn't actually escape my lips (and "dishwasher"  really was what I thought!)

Holland where did you put the van?! 

Geoff you drove it last! 

It's in the driveway where you left it!
Side note - I didn't sleep well last night..........the dogs were forever barking! 

What kinda crazy are you talking?

My "Proverbs 31" wife hat was still buried deep under the covers!

I hauled my butt out of bed to help him find yet one more item that he had "mis"placed right under his own nose....

Only this time it really was, NO where to be found! 

WHAT!?!

Who steals a van whose front end is riveted in place and also has been known to accessorize with pink duct tape and zip ties?

Seriously!

The only logical deduction I can come up with is that one of my fun loving crazy pranking friends has pulled off the ultimate practical joke!
What other reason could there possibly be?  

In the days leading up to today's events my van had been exhibiting strange demonic like behaviors. As we were driving along in the pouring down rain my passenger window would randomly roll up and down of its own volition. Or when I would hit 55 mph the locks would so start jumping up and down like popcorn in a hot pot! Normally I could place blame on any of the 12 appendages flailing about in the back seats. But not this time, it is almost as if Big Bertha had become possessed. So maybe she left all on her own. 

This whole thing makes no sense whatsoever!!! The only thing missing in this crazy mystery is the chalk outline of where my van slept and drooled all over the driveway. I think its trade-in value may amount to a whopping $300 bucks! Like Geoff said..."I cant even buy a bike with that!"

Both Geoff and I stood in the spot the van had been, just staring....staring at each other, staring at the street, unsure of what emotion to have. We are stupefied by the selection of our car versus the 15 other 'prime' candidates on our street. As we stand there, the silence is broken by giggles I refuse to suppress. I just couldn't resist voicing  the movie line that popped into my head! (not one I would recommend)

"Dude, where's my Car!"

After abundant laughter, we finally make the necessary calls .....and by necessary I mean the calls to friends to make sure all of them have their alibis up to date. I do my best to see if anyone did indeed "borrow" Big Bertha. No one confesses, or claims ownership of the colossal prank!

Confusion.

Then all of the sudden a terrifying blood curdling thought fills my head. 

ZOE! She wouldn't!......would she?

A quick sprint to Zoe's bed to assure myself she hadn't done something,.... well.... Zoe-esque the night before.

She's in bed in her typical butt in the air, fast asleep fashion.

Relief, as well as blood, flood back through my pulsating veins.

OK 

Reality begins to sink in.

Someone really did steal our car!

Geoff calls the police, who take note of it and give him a case number which he then passes on to the insurance agent...Oh and I sang the state farm jingle my cute State Farm agent didn't show up!........In person that is....I'm just sayin'  

So now we wait.....

Have to say though, I am still somewhat expecting that beast of car to show up in my driveway tomorrow morning as if nothing ever happened.