My Problem Child has Returned Home

Well, I am dumbfounded, to say the least!
I sit here in a complete state of shock over this last weeks events.
Thursday night Geoff got a call from the Wichita Police Department saying that Big Bertha our run away had been found!
OH!...... Joy! (that should be read with sarcasm dripping from every letter!)
They also said that if we did not come get her immediately they were going to impound BB.....Geoff did not share my opinion to just let the fine folks of the WPD keep her. I think she needed to learn a lesson, besides I liked my sporty little replacement that we rented.
Anyway....
Very little had been touched in the van, it was only a few blocks away and the keys were in it!
I don't know how they got there as I don't leave normally leave them in the car. Frankly I really don't want to think about all that.

She's back and already back to her old antics of driving me C-R-A-Z-Y!

Locking me in the car.
Bed wetting.
Deliberately disobeying my orders to STOP!
Oh and my favorite the incessant poking til I hit back!
I am not above admitting I secretly hoped she would have runaway forever!

We may never know the story behind her little escapade ...
But for now I guess I am thankful for the laughter the whole ordeal brought us. And that I don't have to add another bill to the pile.

Dude! Where's my car!!!?

I was awakened this morning to Geoff bellowing strange questions at me ....

Typically this is not all together an uncommon experience.

Questions like wheres my pants, wheres my badge or could you buy more Pepsi today? These kinds of questions are generally how I start my morning. All of these questions I can usually expertly plow through without ever removing my head from under the pillow! However this morning's barrage of questions actually propelled me out of bed to answer....or at the very least see what in the world he was talking about.

The van is not in driveway where is it?

I don't know! In your dishwasher....(I thought) - those words didn't actually escape my lips (and "dishwasher"  really was what I thought!)

Holland where did you put the van?! 

Geoff you drove it last! 

It's in the driveway where you left it!
Side note - I didn't sleep well last night..........the dogs were forever barking! 

What kinda crazy are you talking?

My "Proverbs 31" wife hat was still buried deep under the covers!

I hauled my butt out of bed to help him find yet one more item that he had "mis"placed right under his own nose....

Only this time it really was, NO where to be found! 

WHAT!?!

Who steals a van whose front end is riveted in place and also has been known to accessorize with pink duct tape and zip ties?

Seriously!

The only logical deduction I can come up with is that one of my fun loving crazy pranking friends has pulled off the ultimate practical joke!
What other reason could there possibly be?  

In the days leading up to today's events my van had been exhibiting strange demonic like behaviors. As we were driving along in the pouring down rain my passenger window would randomly roll up and down of its own volition. Or when I would hit 55 mph the locks would so start jumping up and down like popcorn in a hot pot! Normally I could place blame on any of the 12 appendages flailing about in the back seats. But not this time, it is almost as if Big Bertha had become possessed. So maybe she left all on her own. 

This whole thing makes no sense whatsoever!!! The only thing missing in this crazy mystery is the chalk outline of where my van slept and drooled all over the driveway. I think its trade-in value may amount to a whopping $300 bucks! Like Geoff said..."I cant even buy a bike with that!"

Both Geoff and I stood in the spot the van had been, just staring....staring at each other, staring at the street, unsure of what emotion to have. We are stupefied by the selection of our car versus the 15 other 'prime' candidates on our street. As we stand there, the silence is broken by giggles I refuse to suppress. I just couldn't resist voicing  the movie line that popped into my head! (not one I would recommend)

"Dude, where's my Car!"

After abundant laughter, we finally make the necessary calls .....and by necessary I mean the calls to friends to make sure all of them have their alibis up to date. I do my best to see if anyone did indeed "borrow" Big Bertha. No one confesses, or claims ownership of the colossal prank!

Confusion.

Then all of the sudden a terrifying blood curdling thought fills my head. 

ZOE! She wouldn't!......would she?

A quick sprint to Zoe's bed to assure myself she hadn't done something,.... well.... Zoe-esque the night before.

She's in bed in her typical butt in the air, fast asleep fashion.

Relief, as well as blood, flood back through my pulsating veins.

OK 

Reality begins to sink in.

Someone really did steal our car!

Geoff calls the police, who take note of it and give him a case number which he then passes on to the insurance agent...Oh and I sang the state farm jingle my cute State Farm agent didn't show up!........In person that is....I'm just sayin'  

So now we wait.....

Have to say though, I am still somewhat expecting that beast of car to show up in my driveway tomorrow morning as if nothing ever happened.  

Mouths of Babes

Amia asked me this week to write something "Happy" instead of sad! (She doesnt actually read my post just sees the tears that often come with the writing) As I thought of her simple request I found this old post from a couple years ago. Even though it was at my expense I couldn't help but laugh! So Enjoy!!


I got a shower today! Such a simple statement I never thought would be said with such enthusiasm. The days of soaking every ounce of hot water into my pores have vanished. Most days I am thrilled to just have the stench masked by other “mom” smells, but today I got a whole shower. The icing on the cake would be if I was actually able to accomplish such a feat alone! One would think that privacy could be obtained with children my kid’s ages. Yeah, about that, no matter how early I arise or how late I wait they know what I am seeking and feel compelled to invade and tell me all about their greatest woe. I have taken to showering in the middle of the day in hopes of getting a shower while they are doing something that is important to them therefore conceivably leaving me ALONE. (Sillygirl)

This day was no different; I waited for just the right moment to fulfill my plans and plotted my escape. A shower and a few minutes peace was all I needed for survival. Just about the time I had breathed that self satisfying sigh of accomplishing my goal I heard the cheerful beepity beep beep of my daughters digital camera! Any serenity I might have indulged in disappeared with the dawning of what had just occurred. Not only had I been discovered but now history was being made and there I was in my not so tight fitting birthday suit! (This is one post I am more than happy not to have a photo included)

Trying my best to remain calm and not scar my child for life, I blindly tried to reach for my "precious moment" and delete all evidence!! My poor little girl was crushed and heartbroken by her dripping mother’s reaction. When I politely explained to her that we don’t take pictures of people while they are in the shower, her only reply through tears was….

But mommy, WHY? 

You take pictures of us in the tub, and then put them on facebook……

Ughmmmmm…….
Well…… (CRAP! Is what I was thinking!)
You see…..
What else does a parent say, that has obviously been busted by their own child's inquiring mind?....Oh yes I remember now! As my own mother used to say.......I am the mom thats Why!

I had hoped that one day I would be able to take hard hitting questions like that from my children with humility and grace. Admit to the error in my ways and we would both grow from such an experience.

Today is not that day!

I have tried to think of the best way as parent to make this one of those prized "learning moments"  instead of a future therapy session. The only thing I could come up with was to post the picture she took. But I am too full of pride and common sense to do such a thing. Besides I kinda like the whole returning readers thing. For now, I guess, showers and serenity will have to wait.


In the years since I last posted this her camera has mysteriously vanished ........

A Good Day

So last nights ice may have thwarted today's plans but not for long!
Give this over active imagination, a smidgen of mischief and a few girls in need of expending energy and you will have giggles galore. It did not take me long to come up with a brilliant plan! (my humility here is astounding, I know) 
Hard wood floors and a circular floor plan lend itself to perfect conditions to rid ones self of some serious cooped up exhaustion... So of course the choice is obvious! What better way to achieve the desired result, than skating? Given the fact that the last time I was on skates I dislocated my knee.... or was that when I fractured my elbow? Ahem, anyway the fact that we all escaped injury and laughed ourselves silly as we went round and round throughout the house, was a huge success.
Here a couple of the pictures i was able to snag as my cute little roller derby chicks tried to pass me up!

Words I Love

I can never seem to get enough of my children's thoughts.....wait let me rephrase that. The thoughts that make a smile spread across my face like a wave eternally embracing the shore. Those are the thoughts I can never get enough of. To be perfectly honest the thoughts that ramble on with no direction and only serve to evaporate air....Those ones I can however get enough of. And before I prove to you where my children get the latter, on with my point.....

We often have our best conversations in the car.
A few nights ago one of those lingering smiles held my face with just such a conversation.
Mom I can't wait to babysit!-Grace
I know baby you will be a great babysitter.
Mom I can't wait either, Somebody told me once when I was holding so&so that I would be good at taking care of kids! - Amia
Sounds like fun!
Mom! Do you know what I cant wait for? -Zoe
No Zoe what?
I cant wait for all the babies to quit their whining!-Zoe
hmmm (big smile/stifled guffaw)


Another such conversation happened tonight.
When God created the world He did not use a pen and paper to make His design did he? - Grace
Nope, What did He do?
He spoke - both Grace and Amia shout in perfect harmony
Right
Silence
Mom? Wasn't that Kinda lazy of God to not make a design and just speak instead?- Amia
Powerful yes, Lazy, No. If you tell your sister to get you the pencil on the floor next to you yes that's lazy but if   God commands the stars into being that's powerful. You understand?
Yes - Amia
Mom when I grow up I want to be a computer genius. -Amia
OK baby

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep

A photographer friend of ours who recently shot some family pictures for us told us about an incredible organization whose purpose is very dear to our hearts. It’s called Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. The Today show did a piece on them and here is the link to that Today Show.They are a group of photographers all over the country that capture the brief memories of babies with a fatal prognosis. We were able to take part in something kind of like this for our daughter Aida. I do not possess the words to tell you how much having a visual reminder of children is. It reminds me that they are not forgotten and are very much still part of our lives and who we are.

After taking our family picture our friend asked if he could enter our family into a Contest that supports Now I Lay me Down to Sleep. We agreed, because it raises money for this incredible group of photographers. I share this with you, so

 1. You can know too about this life changing group, and possibly share it with someone else who needs it.

 2. You can vote for our family and also help raise money so that others going through a similar situation can be blessed by them.

Voting cost 1 dollar and you can go HERE  to do so by clicking on photographers, then scrolling down and selecting "Dewees" and then choosing the KISCH Family!

Click on our pic to vote and then fill out the info. Thanks voting ends April 8th and winners receive a new car.

Mouths of Babes

I got a shower today! Such a simple statement I never thought would be said with such enthusiasm. The days of soaking every ounce of hot water into my pores have vanished. Most days I am thrilled to just have the stench masked by other “mom” smells, but today I got a whole shower. The icing on the cake would be if I was actually able to accomplish such a feat alone! One would think that privacy could be obtained with children my kid’s ages. Yeah, about that, no matter how early I arise or how late I wait they know what I am seeking and feel compelled to invade and tell me all about their greatest woe. I have taken to showering in the middle of the day in hopes of getting a shower while they are doing something that is important to them therefore conceivably leaving me ALONE. (Sillygirl)

This day was no different; I waited for just the right moment to fulfill my plans and plotted my escape. A shower and a few minutes peace was all I needed for survival. Just about the time I had breathed that self satisfying sigh of accomplishing my goal I heard the cheerful beepity beep beep of my daughters digital camera! Any serenity I might have indulged in disappeared with the dawning of what had just occurred. Not only had I been discovered but now history was being made and there I was in my not so tight fitting birthday suit! (This is one post I am more than happy not to have a photo included)

Trying my best to remain calm and not scar my child for life I blindly tried to reach for my precious moment and delete all evidence. My poor little girl was crushed and heartbroken by her dripping mother’s reaction. When I politely explained to her that we don’t take pictures of people while they are in the shower, her only reply through tears was….

But why mommy?

You take pictures of us in the tub and then put them on facebook……

Ughmmmmm…….
Well……
You see…..

I had hoped that one day I would one day be able to take hard hitting questions like that from my children with humility and grace. Admit to the error in my ways and we would both grow from such an experience.

Today is not that day!

I’m kidding…. I have tried to think of the best ways as parent to make this a learning moment instead of a future therapy session. The only thing I could come up with was to post the picture she took. But I am too full of pride to do such a thing besides I kinda like the whole returning readers thing. So if you have any other wise suggestions please do tell.

What a Day!

This happened several months ago and I wrote about it then.
Yesterday I kidnapped my mom and we ran off to peruse the local garage sales. In the midst of finding buried treasure my phone rang. I answered it without bothering to glance at the number on the screen. A woman said Hi, my name is Alex, and I am one of the producers of the Anderson Cooper show on CNN. We saw your story in the Wall Street Journal and would like to do a piece with you live tonight.
WHAT?! I barely squeaked out the word.
I am in the Wall Street Journal!?
CNN!
What?
I am sure I came across very professional as my brain tried to process whether or not to bicker on the price of some cute shoes and comprehend that this call was legitimate and not one of the ridiculous calls my friend Sarah and I used to make when we were teenagers. I am sure that at one point I began looking around for those hidden cameras waiting to pop out and surprise me. In disbelief I let Alex go on explain the details of Anderson’s interest in my “story”. Before we hung up I had told her that I would have to clear it with my husband, but would call her back as soon as I spoke with him. (When I told Geoff who wanted to do an interview with me, his was response was who? Guess that sums up exactly how much TV we watch!) He said sure, so I agreed to do the interview. They told me a list of questions would be sent. And a return call would be made. However around 4:30 they called and said they were going to go with some late breaking news in California instead, but possibly tomorrow they would do the piece. ----Breaking News --- (This just in --They never called back)
Mom and I ran off to the nearest Barnes and Noble to find a Wall Street Journal, the very last one. Indeed I am in the Wall Street Journal! I had talked with a reporter about our experience with Choices Clinic and Aida the day before. However I did not think of anything would come of it because the last time I spoke with a reporter they did not use it. Wow! Was I wrong, here is the link to read the article I am in.
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB124407988050683807.html#articleTabs%3Darticle

However I do want to clear up something since my stand is not blazingly apparent. I am pro-life. Murder is wrong. Somewhere along the way the line of right and wrong has been blurred into non-existence. Murder is wrong whether it’s of an unborn baby or a late term abortion doctor. There were times in those 7 weeks of knowing Aida’s life would end without a miracle that we just wanted it to be all over. The process my mind went through was agonizing. How could we voluntarily go through this again? If it was all over with then the essentially the healing could come quicker, right? Wrong. With our boys dying before we knew it, abortion was never even a question. Living in the heart of abortion territory I grew up knowing what we believed and why. When Aida came into our lives the question was put in front of us, of considering abortion. Absolutely not, was my initial response and even took measures to avoid anyone else that would suggest such an atrocity. As time moved on and the thought of going through the horrific pain of losing a third child, becoming an excruciating reality, I/we gave pause to the idea of abortion. I sit here in a puddle of tears even at the thought. I am the kind of person that given the opportunity I will gladly take the easy way out. However I firmly believe that having Aida’s body ripped from mine would not have been the easy way out.
In going through this kind of event we often found ourselves sparing so many people along the way, complete strangers, neighbors and friends, even ourselves. I couldn’t scream out to the unassuming questioning cashier at Target that the moving life inside of me is dying! Doing so would only make life all the more difficult to trudge through. We wanted to run and hide to escape the pain that was with us 24/7. The shadow of pain follows you even into the darkest of places. Wanting to avoid that was our reason for even giving pause to the thought of abortion. When healing there is pain that has to be suffered in order to heal correctly. If we had tried to eliminate the hurt then we would have missed the beauty of what God has and is creating in our family’s life. I know that had we had an abortion we would not be healing correctly and would be filled with a mutilating doubt. Abortion is not that escape or answer.
I am here to tell of you of a beautiful healing that took place in that hospital room, because of Aida’s birth. The room was filled with such a peace that I know is only because of my heavenly Father. We were blessed beyond my simple attempts at words to have amazing caring medical staff. God fashioned every detail that day, He held us in His arms. As strange as it may sound laughter also filled that room, not a nervous awkward laughter. It was the kind of carefree contagious laughter a child has while swinging barefoot on cool summer’s night. Everyone that entered our room I believe was not overcome with grief because of our incredible loss. In fact I would go as far to say that they were encouraged in the midst of this season of our lives. Each one of our girls got to hold their precious sister and tell her the stories that were ever so important to share and then say their goodbyes. This was/is a healing process for our entire family that was imperative that we all go through together. I would not rob my children of the gift they received in spending time with their sister or for that matter the healing that occurred because of that opportunity.
The amount of healing that has taken place in such a short time has been only because of our Savior Jesus Christ. If it were not for the support and love that God has placed in our lives, we would be very ugly, scarred, and bitter people today. Because of our God, family, friends and Choices Clinic in our lives we can say that our hearts are wounded but not destroyed. The beauty of what He created on the day will always be precious to me. In weakness I thought to strip myself my family and friends of unknown blessings. Thank you to all of you who have walked with us and held us up on this journey. He has truly given me so much more than I can bear.

Out of the mouths of Babes

Aida is gone.....

After sharing the news with our girls they reminded me that she is alive. Before I could argue They said but, mommy she is alive in heaven and all her owies are gone.

Precious reminder.

Thank you for your prayers

25 Random Things

OK this keeps going around and I figure its the best way for you to get better insight into the depths that are me. hehehe. if you already read it before on facebook, that's OK I'm sitting on about five more posts that will pop up as soon as I have a free minute.

1. I hate the word random, but I love making lists

2. If I were to have a super power it would be the ability to be in more than one place at a time.

3. I love and commit to my friends and family 110% but I can give only one person at a time that 110%

4. I love seeing Gods hand at work, even in other people’s lives. It excites me

5. My husband irritated me and I could not stand him before I married him. (Now he rarely does and I would be lost without him)

6. Still want to be a missionary outside of the US.

7. Love to write but I have nothing to do with any "ability" that I might have in doing so, because when I try to speak in cognitive thoughts people generally think I’m speaking in tongues.

8. I am not joining the digital age for TV.

9. Sarcasm brings me special delight and even more so that Paul used it in the bible.

10. I am extremely disciplined when it comes to housework and exercise....oh that sarcasm snuck in.

11. Holland has to have too many things on her plate in order to function.

12. I’m still dumbfounded that children messed up my metabolism ( i miss being able to eat an entire pizza and not wonder which thigh it was going to end up on)

13. Really truly love raising a house full of girls.

14. If I don’t want to be any of the things I did as a child, does that mean I’m grown up?

15. Enjoys the challenge of a functioning brain. Most days it does'nt function and then out of the blue it will jump in and be sharp and quick, but it only lasts a few hours.

16. I find entertainment in making people laugh, esp. when they are not supposed too.

17. My mother strikes fear and terror in my heart when she announces that for my birthday she
is sending the cleaning lady to my house!

18. I never say good-bye to my husband.

19. Like to soak in people’s knowledge of the bible.

20. I get easily irritated by parents that don’t parent.

21. I'm itching to move

22. I am curious to see how much we really need to live. I’m not taking this junk anywhere.

23. I chop off my hair when I get bored. umm, case and point check out my new profile pic.

24. Can’t help laughing with my kid’s contagious laughter.

25. I can’t help redecorating people’s houses in my head. I am constantly rearranging.

You've got to Laugh a little.....

I’m sitting here laughing at the week that has just passed. I truly have no other response than to giggle, shake my head, and wonder at why I did not tell God I could only handle one crisis at a time!

So let me back up and try this brevity thing my husband raves about. (He says my writing rambles, which also makes me laugh because anything more than 4 words is rambling to him. I have a mind to keep talking and writing about this just to annoy him.)

Amia our 7yr old and middle daughter was taken to the ER on Saturday, Valentine’s Day! She ended up staying till Wednesday! Her appendix had perforated and was in need of immediate removal. So we spent a very non-romantic night in the most expensive room we have ever paid for. It was a long stay for someone who does not like hospitals to begin with.

We had good nurses and bad nurses. We had student nurses and a student nurse that I fired. Which Geoff also found hilarious. Are you sensing a theme here? I have found that he deals with stress by laughing at me. We have become a great team in times of stress. Become being the operative word there. Anyway, he thought it was great that I all of the sudden developed this “momma bear” instinct. In fact by the end of our stay I think he was looking for poor unsuspecting people to throw under the bus so-to-speak, just for his entertainment. (If he had only been there when we were dismissed from the hospital!) It wasn’t pretty.

Amia is now home and recuperating fast, which I have no doubt is due to your prayers and love. Thank you for them! We are trying to take it slow because she is not 100% yet and won’t be for a while. We still have to watch that it does not become abscess, which the Drs. says she is at a high risk for. We are so thankful for all the family and friends that showered her with love and prayers, stayed with her or took our other two girls so that we would not have to care for them as well. I don’t even want to begin to imagine where I would be right now without all of you. Thank you.

How great is our God

Here are the links to the videos I said I would post. I enjoyed these so much and wanted to share with you. Combined they are an hour long. Sorry they are just links, I'm being lazy today.
Part 1 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_1EAmfOu9lE
Part 2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UE5sF1rdxM4&feature=related
Part 3 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cuF629DW9kI&feature=related
Part 4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btyacVmGszA&feature=related
Part 5 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6OoBEV10rjc&feature=related
I also intend to make my kids watch them for school. I think they are that good!

Prego Dreams

It is no small secret that I always have crazy dreams. My mother, I am sure would take delight in getting them/me analyzed. But, now we are treading on new ground. Pregnancy dreams have become a source of entertainment in our household. It has gotten to the point that I no longer look forward to going to sleep because of sheer exhaustion but rather for the adventure my brain goes on when I close my eyes. Let me take you on a little trip into Holland’s head. Disclaimer: If you are taking heart medication or any inhibitors please consult your Dr. before continuing.
Let’s see where to start;
I planned my best friend’s funeral, not so bad right? Except it was a dance party! Everyone was laughing and having a blast the only tears were the ones you get from laughing so hard.
One dream I had everyone was a cartoon character and I was stuck in that world as a human! - One could wonder if that has to do with me trying to fit in….
I dreamed I was a snow man of fat! My first roll was my head, the second all my leftovers from previous blessings, and the last roll was all baby! For some reason I tried to walk but it was easier for everyone just to roll me around like the blueberry girl in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory!
I have forgotten many of them but last night takes the cake by far.
We (Geoff and I) were attending some fancy dinner where dignitaries of various countries were invited. The Guests of honor were President Bush, his wife and President Elect and his wife. Why we were there is beyond me but it’s my dream, so we will continue. There was a head table much like you would see at a wedding where all the important people sat. I call them important because they were sitting there, yet none of their faces were recognizable. President Bush was at one end of the long line of men sitting at this grand glass table. Barak Obama and his wife were facing the presidents table but they were not seated there. It was almost as if the rest of the people were reclining around the room on pillows.
What was strange at this dinner was that, no one was eating there weren’t even dishes on which to eat. Yet the longer we stayed, the fuller our stomachs became. At some point in the evening Laura Bush made her barefoot entrance wearing a very stiff bright pink taffeta dress. It was not flattering at all and almost looked as if she may have borrowed one of her daughter’s old prom dresses for the event. As she entered the room she bounded on top of the glass table with the ease of a panther ready to make the day’s first kill. She completely consumed the space between her and the person at the end of the table. Nose to nose she said something that everyone could hear but no one would dare repeat because it was too personally convicting and piercing. You never knew who she was going to pounce on next. She continued hopping down the row of people, on all fours and right in front of them. She said things that were funny to others but a little too close to home when revealed for all to know. Some people squirmed because their personal space was definitely being invaded. And you could hear questioning murmurs throughout the crowd of where this Laura had been the past 8 years. There was not an air of fear in the room but one of laughter. She was not intoxicated she was the entertainment! When she got to George she kissed him on the nose, rolled onto her back and off the table and out of the room. The room rose in a standing ovation and I woke up.
After writing that all out I am a little fearful you all might send me on my way to a padded room. But let me assure you for the most part I am normal.

The flourescent vested epiphany

Once again, I have made a trip to the Dr. this time it was Amia. Last Tuesday she was playing with her sisters, in a pretend marching band. You have to love kids imagination. She decided to use my five pound hand held weights as cymbals. It however does not take much imagination to figure out what happened next, her poor little ring finger got in the way of her climatic clapping and smashed it good. Now we know how fond our family is of the ER so don't even ask if we went. Besides it was only black and blue and the size of cheese filled hot dog. Anyway, we got an appt. the next day with our Dr. who said it indeed had been fractured but also had a hematoma. She would need to wear a splint for the next two weeks. (phew! no surgery we already did that with another child and a smashed finger :) ) However, the Dr. said they had no splints that size you will have to go to the local med supply store and get one. No problem, I thought, I am not doing anything else today. First stop, none in stock. Second stop, none in stock. Then I remembered I am not sure I even have enough cash in the bank. A quick call to Geoff who confirms my suspicions and sends me to his bank. At this point It is now a quarter to 3 and the kids have yet to eat and are getting rather obnoxious, and I am just about to my breaking point. I thought this was going to be a quick deal when I started out at 11:30 that morning and now I have to drive across town, with screaming children, no money, and a fuel tank on E! As I pull up to a stop light I see the sign next to me says "you must turn right" or something like that! I however Know for a fact that the road does not end there and there is no real logical reason for that sign. Also if I turn right as directed it will be a 2 mile turn around before I can get back on track. As I weighed the pros and cons I decided if the man in front of me went for it i would as well. He did and so did 4 other people in front of him! Yes! I thought!....until I saw a brightly colored policeman in the middle of the road yelling at all 6 of us to pull over and park! I secretly hoped it was a random DUI checkpoint for which i would be cleared, of course and sent on my merry way. Wrong! and likelihood of that at 3 in the afternoon is highly improbable. I knew deep down I was busted! Having never been ticketed before I did not know what to do, other than get my license out. That I learned from watching Geoff. The policeman came over hollering about how I had 8 signs to show me that was a turn right only lane. He then asked if I was the only passenger in the car. I said No, three others. He then sticks his head in my car and looks at them then takes a step back and poses the traditional policeman pose with chest up and out. Then proceeds to shout as though he were running for office and we were the last people on earth whom he had to convince he was the right man for the job.
Ma'am
YOU HAVE DIS - O- BEY- ED THE LAW!
All the pomp and circumstance of that moment was completely absorbed by my little sponges sitting firmly belted into their car seats. It was all I could do to keep it together. Arguing with this man seemed was as futile as arguing with your drill Sargent. 86.00 dollars later no grace was bestowed. He did wish me a wonderful day, thogh. Who does that? I gave up on finding my daughters splint or lunch. None of that mattered now. All I wanted to do was call Geoff and go home. Geoff's oober sympathetic self listened to my blubbering plight and and then asked if I had done something wrong. Well, yes I ....I ....did but.... He steps in and says OK then move on. :) I love him so much! Maybe, he starts again, if you had cried for that cop the way you are for me then you could have got the warning you were hoping for. Ihung up the phone totally dejected. Thanks dear.
Later that night for AWANA Zoe had to draw a picture of what she was most thankful for. She drew a picture of me! (What a precious child.) Except over my head was an enormous $86.00. I think if she could have figured out a way to get it to light up and flash that would have been a part of her picture as well.
The sermon this Sunday was on humility, I think maybe God is trying to teach me a lesson in humility in every way possible.

Dentist Marketing

What in the world! I am sure my ever increasing age will show through in this post, but I just can’t help myself. We went in to the dentist office for our 6 month check up today. When we arrived a six yr old boy met us at the door grinning ear to ear. His jovial expression and general elation only seemed odd for a moment. I mean coming from the dentist office one would expect tear stained faces and stifled whimpers to be the normal scene. But as we checked in and found our place it all became crystal clear as to the boys twinkling smile. His mom was now yelling “Thank – you dentist people!” Thank – you very much!” Sarcasm was dripping from her boisterous voice like a honey bear over a hot fire. “I will pay you back for this”. As she left I half expected her to scream with an evil laugh “I will get you my pretty”. Her son had been given a prize for his visit to the dentist. Not a plastic top or a ugly green frog or the googly eyed stickers I remember from the dentist. You know the kind, the ones a mom could actually throw away without any disruption of emotions from a child. Nope, this precious “innocent” boy received a whoopee cushion! From the dentist! Are you kidding me! What says “We Want You Back” more than a woopee cushion? J And now he had it loaded and ready to go. He was in search of his first victim when he dared my girls to sit on it. I can only imagine the bartering that went on in that car as he headed back to school. My girls watched the whole event play out before their wide eyes. With bubbling giggles they looked up at me as if to say can we get one too? Ya, right! I thought, my insurance pays for my child to get a woopee cushion but not a filling put in their head? As each child was taken to her chair I could only sit in terror at the thought of what they might bring back? You know, I knew there would be a time that I would have to let our girls leave the nest. People warned me this day would come faster than I would think. Never once did I think it would be this soon. Well, that time just walked in the door. And there I was, hoping that all that we have taught them and instilled in their hearts would come in to play when making hard choices, and that their consciences would not allow them to go down the “wrong path”. No training could have prepared either of us for this…. Oh and bonus points for the one who guesses which kids failed the test. (without looking at the pic)

Zoe's got bling!

Oh and just so you know we already scheduled our next visit! I guess the new toys work.

waiting, room

Thursday, January 10, 2008 at 1:39pm
Waiting, Room. After spending what seems like an abundance of time in waiting rooms lately I have observed a few things, one might learn from. One, though the circumstances for your visit may change the people joining you dont. There is always the mom pleading with a child to behave, holding a bribe and threat in a single hand. Caving to some form of mock obedience. The sweet old couple in the corner resting in eachothers nearness, knowing all to well the young Dr. they wait for, is again no where close to being on time today. The business man who is making every second of his day count for the unknown brownie point quota. The young kid all on his own, forced into some form of reality, avoiding any human contact. You will have to look twice to notice that there is indeed a body holding up the pile of clothes slouched in the chair. The single lady with a smile, or the old man with a story to share. Each of these silently heed the unspoken courtesies of waiting room protocol. There is an uninterrupted rythmn to this daily routine. A magazine page flips, a leg swings back and forth or the gentle turn of a head when a fellow sojourner joins the ranks. Even the call to follow seems to be set in poetic motion. Then without warning it all violently tumbles to a halt. Like the overprotective mother who with tires sqealing, suddenly slams on the breaks and hurtles her arm across the chest of an unsuspecting passenger, knocking all air from them. What was almost tolerable bliss ends with the entrance of the loudest, chunky, dressed in yeterdays pjs, talking on her cell phone, oblivious woman. Peaceful music drowns under the weight of her harsh tone. What was once soft careless flip of a page now becomes a quick and aggitated thrashing through numerous magazines. The swinging of legs is now fingers jackhammering their way through the arm rest. Heads begin bobbing up and down like "wac-a-mole" in "Chuckee Cheese" checking the time and praying their name is next to be called. Even the uninvolved pile of clothes begins to fidget unable to escape her piercing tirade. All this because of one....My first visit to the waiting room I soaked in this precious womans need to share all her worldly woes with not just the poor person on the other end of the phone but everyone else in within a 10 story building, left me scarred. however i niavely wrote it off and assumed the poor girl had a bad day. Five waiting rooms and five ettiquite challenged women later, assumtion is gone. The world is filled with screaming women in waiting rooms with a need to be heard! Their ex’s that have done them wrong and how all will pay! I punched his nasty cheating face. This aint his baby, he cant have it. I am not gonna work my butt off for his lazy butt to sit around and smoke weed. He will be served papers but i aint gonna do it the sherrif is gonna do that! (glad i can count on my tax dollars for that)Who really wants to know that much about another person?....even if it were some one you loved. I mean really! If I had known my insurance was paying for me to have a front row seat at the “Jerry Springer Show” I would have worn a prettier bra!2nd thing I learned was that no one knows how or cares to deal with this. Do you be chivalrous and tell the nurse you gladly give up your place just to get her where she needs to be sooner. no, they are never going the same place you are anyway. My advice bring a husband who has no problem reading aLOUD his laws and theroys of areodynamics in avition text book. The most boring snot known to man! All be alseep in 10 sec flat. down side so will the nurse doing roll call. If you dont happen to have a 4 inch thick text book on hand, opt for singing “Jesus loves you” at the top of your lungs, it has a two fold benefit. 1) she wont be able to talk above your joyus refrain, or she will just be shock of your beautiful singing voice. 2) she’ll know that Jesus loves her even if you cant.3rd I know way to much about complete strangers and not enough about my friends, want to go hang out in a waiting room?
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Updated about 6 months ago



love lessons

Tuesday, August 28, 2007 at 10:30am
Why we love our kids is never really a hard question to come up with an suitable answer for, yet the abuse we take in getting there leaves one to wonder....memorable moments in love lessons:
While squeezing into a dressing room full of exhaustion and desperation to find a last minute dress for some "one time" occasion Amia blurts out Mom! why do you have purple stripes on you belly?
While in a public restroom with many people waiting, Zoe serrenades us all by singing I like to move it move it. I like to mooooove it mmuuuhhhoooove it all the while doing her business.

After a day of school Geoff asked what they learned and all three girls proudly burped their abc's only to finish by absurdly proclaiming mommy taught them.

After attending a funeral Amia asked of the cemetary is this Heaven?

Mom Pump up My PANTs! Zoe 2 (i still have no idea what that means)

Hills are slides for cars - grace 2

In church during a prayer about being focused and not distracted by things around us Grace loud and proud announced that she had to go POTTIE!

After being in a wreck and then driving for the first time, Amia asked with great concern, Are you going to push the crash button again mom?

Zoe are you too hot? No, mom I'm smoking Hot!

Amia you did a great job bein the first one out of the car today thanks! Zoe walks up and says well the last one is the cute one. (she was last)

Hey mom this song makes me shake my booty! - Zoe and the song was" Be thou my vision"

Mom could you wear the pink matching bra and underwear today? zoe

Reasons why mom wont run with a cart full of kids in Lowes- we're standing up, we'll run over dad,- she's old. - my precious girls

Please pray for my mom and dad, they dont know my name. - Amia

Bye Dad i love you - Grace Bye dad i love you - Amia Bye Sugarman i luuuve you! - Zoe

MOM!!! I have a white butt! - zoe ( a new discovery to her i guess)

Did you get married just so you could kiss all the time? - zoe

After awakening to screams @ 3 in the morning, i found zoe sobbing in her roomMom! please can i always stay this size? that from my baby how precious she read my mind. After doing the only logical thing i could, i assured her yes of course she promptly rolled over and went back to sleep.

Zoe walked into the living room while geoff was tickling me and said dad are you unscrewing mom? the had just been outside building a bookshelf is the only correlation we can come up with!

Zoe i love you so much i could eat you! Mom God does not like it when big people eat little kids.

After touring the sept 11 memorial zoe looks at me and says we need to pray for the poor people mom.

Mom you know what? I dont like it when water goes up your nose! - ZoeZoe you know what? I dont like it when water goes up my nose either! - GraceZoe you know What ? It sure is funny when water goes up your nose! (Followed by gales of contagious laughter!) - Amia

Hey look there goes a short bus! - Amia We ride in a short bus! - Zoe No we do NOT! -AmiaYes we do! - ZoeNo we Dont! - amiaYES WE DO! WE ARE SHORT BUS RIDERS! -zOE
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Updated about 4 months ago


communion

Tuesday, July 17, 2007 at 9:37pm
As moms we learn to adapt to many new situations that are flung our way. Often in brief out of body glimpses i stop to stare at the disheveled super woman completing a dissertation on why wooden spoons in the blender are not good toys, holding a screaming child with the invisible owie and listening to yet another deaf salesman who has a need to get his speel out like a child who waited till 3 in the afternoon to pee for the first time that day. All this while succesfully charring mac and cheese for supper. My definition of adapting may differ slightly than yours, but isnt that what definitions are anymore? Thongs for instance are no longer flipflops and a used car is now "preowned". Before having kids being able to listen in church w/ no distractions was the only way for me to be able to hear what was being preached. Now as a mother a change has happened and i can no longer sit still in church and focus. Over the last 7 years I have been conditioned like a marathon runner to face the race (sunday morning) with complete unwavering attention. Where I become the human jungle gym, the silent eyes of death, and the ever present spy anticipating the villans next destructive move. All the while retaining ever word spoken. Now on certain sundays i am without those precious perils to my sunday worship and all adapting i have done is for not because without them i turn into them, and more poor husband is left pathetically attempting to give me the eyes of death. This past sunday was communion sunday and all ears were in attendance. However after all elements had been passed i felt a strangely cool sensation btween my legs only to discover my delightful zoe had dumped my "juice". Many thoughts run through a mothers mind none of which most likely should be had in church. Can one ask for seconds at communion? Is there enough left in the cup to slurp it out? anyone want to adopt a kid? first come first served. Or does it even count in reverence when the "mood" is lost somewhere between being a mom and the classy focused shell of christian you once were?
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i will never have a kid like that...
Thursday, May 17, 2007 at 12:06pm
How is that words with such defined determination come back to haunt us? Almost as if one could see their own mother shaking her head with a delightfuly smug smirk of " i told you so" written all over her face. We have all seen the brat in the store who has obviously already been given too much begging and pleading for more gluttony to pursue. The piercing sheirks that can can be heard across the football field of a store are incessant are expertly ignored, by both parent and other patrons. It has caused me to wonder at our societies convient deafness. Any mother knows there is a delicate switch flipped on at birth that gives us the ability to differintiate a cry for help and a cry for misguided attention. To know whether we can stay curled up on the couch with our book or at lightning speed take on that inner superwoman and soar to the side of the child who has just fallen from the top of the fridge. Where my confusion lies is when I am faced with the woman in the store who refuses to hear or deal with the juvi apprentice. Was her switch installed incorrectly, mislocated or just not at all? When did that all become acceptable on any level?It has taken 7 years, but my turn came last week in the form of an over tired over shopped 5 yr old daughter. All my ranting and raving of never owning a child who was allowed to behave in such a way came to a screeching halt. Amia my middle child, whining to go home hit her breaking point and started screaming. The mere sound of her elevated tone shook me to spin around and just stare at her. My shock unbeknownced to me was only just begining. My jaw hit the floor when what she was screaming for was enveiled for the entire shopping community to hear. Everything froze including my jaw still stuck to the floor. The spotlight came next as heads turned and waited like contestants on the price is right waiting for their name to be called to "come on down". what is that child screaming for was heard in a hushed whisper. and then like a bolt of lightening it came! I WANT A BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! a bra? I choked out. All my cool calm collected motherly wisdom drained along with the rest of all other bodily fluid. My mind was racing while she continued to scream, I WANT YOU TO BUY ME A BRA! Torn between laughing hysterically and questioning how or why she would want what she could not possibly know anything about. Could i give her one by wrapping it around her head ? No of course not. Telling her NO, only made her more determined. By now my mothers words were plaugeing my mind, Holland, there will be times you will have to leave a cart full of groceries in the store and take your child out". I cant do that i just spent the last two hours filling mt cart full of groceries I'm not leaving it. Argueing with my figmented mother wasnt helping. Amia seeing that she getting no where with her demented mother diverted to a new tactic. CALL MY DAD! HE'LL BUY ME A A BRA! Yes, why did'nt i think of that? Call your dad, never had i been so sure he would back me up and at least she would be quiet long enough for people to quit staring at the circus act in aile 8. Geoff did indeed have my back and got her quieted down so that we could finish our shopping w/ out the BRA! Thank goodness for level headed fathers. Her determination however was only delayed until we got home where she found one of my bras and proceeded to prance around the house for the remainder of the day in perfect bra bliss. I am now the mother of the the child i would never have .... how many more ignorant BC (before children) proclamations will I have to endure? Surely not that I am my mother after all.