Letting Go....

How does one do that exactly, let go?
Is there a switch, a button, or maybe a lever I can just turn off?
I wonder if there is a series of top secret codes that need to be entered into a classified computer in some unknown location in order to achieve the desired result.
If that's the case I am still looking, as I have yet to locate any of these!
It has come to my often distracted attention that letting go is not so easily accomplished.....even though I have no choice but to do so.
And even though statistically speaking I should be a pro by now! I have discovered the opposite to be true.
In fact I would go as far as to say I might even have a "small" problem with letting go....
Leah is gone, I know that! Everything in my being, as well as life screams that horrific reminder. Blatant denial is not an option, yet I find myself desperately clinging to what could have been. I don't want her to be a fading memory. I want her here!
Precious few, I hold dear in this world and those that I do, I never want to willing "let go". Final goodbyes have been forced upon me without ever having the chance to say hello. If given the choice I will fight for all I am worth and then some just to hold them for a moment longer.
And yet, all that has been held with-in the death grip of my fingers, becomes another reminder.
A reminder to let go.......
Let go, and loose more?
Let go, and suffer more?
Let go, and .......

It hit me this week, (through and unrelated matter)  that although I often like to moonlight as "Wonder Woman" the reality is this,
I can't control a whip let alone change God's detailed plan!
Meaning even if I really were Wonder Woman herself and had the strength of Samson (which for clarity sake I am not and don't)
Who do I really think I am!
If God is going to take all that I hold dear, dinky me isn't going to be able to stop HIM....or even slow HIM down one Bit.
Sure I'd like to think I am all that!
And most days I will proudly proclaim that I am. But both God and I know who's really got it going on, and its not dinky me!
Besides wouldn't it be a better use of my energy if I just released my grip and let Him have them in the first place. If the outcome is the same either way, shouldn't I, at the very least save that energy for the battle? The battle I will be doing to survive without all that I was desperately fighting to save.
Logic has never been a sidekick I proudly defend..... but since we have already established this is not a page from Holland's "play book" I would have to say that from a purely logical standpoint letting go seems to be the "way to go".
I am worn.
I was drained long ago.
There is nothing left in me.
The driving passion to no longer hurt has been replaced by a surrendering freedom.....
I surrender all.................again!
Someday I will learn.