God's Design

I know I should have done this a long time ago. But time, here seems to be disappearing like my non-existent waistline!
Tomorrow is my first official Doctors appointment ever! Yes I did say ever. As in I have never ever seen an Ob. for any of our children’s births, pre-natal care or what have you. Before you flip out, and get all up in my virtual face, please let me explain. These are choices we made. We are not advertising home-births or telling you what to do. I’m just sharing my heart, and what God has and is doing in it.

12 years ago Geoff and I both separately came to the decision we would like to have a home birth. This decision was not based on insurance or lack thereof. It was not a choice we made because we are really out there. We made this decision for a couple of reasons. One reason being that husbands were not all that involved in the birth of their children and Geoff really wanted to be the first one to great his child when they came into the world. Second I really hate Doctors/hospitals (my current family doctor is completely exempt from this philosophy). Third we did not want to bring our children into this world in an environment that was… well, it’s just not home. Fourth, our desire to be informed and cared for on first name basis was priceless. We did not want to be a number in the system. This is where we started in our quest for a home birth, and after spending only a moment in the arms of a midwife we knew we were right where we were supposed to be. I love our midwives and by love I'm not talking I love ice cream kind of love but rather the kind of love that comes from sharing both times of blessings and growth. These girls are so dear to me and I'm absolutely overcome with emotion just talking about them.

Now, a lot of people have said or voiced their concern that maybe just maybe if I had the skill and knowledge of a doctor from the beginning that possibly all nine of our children would be here today.

Baloney! Phooey! Hogwash! Seriously! I could go on but I won’t.

Miscarriages happen, and happen more often than we know and under the care of many a skilled doctor and midwife alike. There is not anything anyone could or could not do to prevent them. I have to remind myself even though I seek a professionals help, the Designer of birth has the blueprint for each child conceived. He did not give those to a doctor or midwife, or even me for that matter. Only He knows the ultimate plan. With that I want to say “our boys” were God’s design as well. They were not designed to live to their birthdays. Doctors have also said that there was nothing preventative or medical that could have been done. God’s design. :)

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.
Psalm 139:13-16 NLT

Tomorrow we start a new journey. You may be wondering why a doctor after such a pro – midwife rant. It was a long and difficult decision. The main reason for going, the doctor can give us a medical sonogram and neither, my family doctor or my midwife can prescribe those. By going to see an Ob. now we are not necessarily saying we wouldn’t still have a homebirth. We are going to find out if more can be done during the pregnancy. More questions could be asked/answered. Tests could be done, but then at what result? By this I mean Geoff and I would never do anything to end Gods design before it was to be. So do I find out that things are going along perfectly and make plans for the day this child comes into the world? Or do we find out things are progressing in the same pattern as “our” boys and let that soak in for the next four months? Knowledge can come with a hefty price tag, and tonight I’m torn. Please pray for us tomorrow, 1. That I will be still, and know that He is God, Creator of heaven and earth. I need to dwell on that for a while. 2. Wisdom - I am bringing Geoff for that reason J pray for us to have clarity to do what is necessary and not be shy to stand up against what we know is not. 3. I will be 18 weeks on Thursday, I have been so blessed to enjoy pregnancy this far I’d kinda like to continue it. 4. That whatever the outcome praise will be on our lips.